2014-2015 Season Predictions

30 Sep Sharks' forwards Joe Thornton and Brent Burns

It’s almost here. It’s almost fucking here. That wonderful day when a new NHL season begins, and I can go back to comfortably ignoring my obligations while daydreaming about the Sharks hoisting the Cup in the Spring (I mean it has to be their year this time, right?).

Wednesday, October 8 is only eight days away. I can’t wait for it to get here.

But for Sharks players, it will be filled with even more energy, as they have to start their Cup campaign in L.A. against the stupid, butthole, good-for-nothing, Kings. Not only do the Sharks have to play the team that knocked them out right away, but they also have to watch them lift their Stanley Cup Champions banner into the rafters.

 

Dustin Brown of the Kings lifting the Stanley Cup.

I hate the Kings. Fuck.

So now that a new season is nearly upon us, I wanted to take a moment to make my pre-season predictions, for the Sharks, the Pacific Division, and the playoffs altogether.

Prediction Number 1: Joe Pavelski will be the new Sharks captain.
Not that this is a real earth-shattering prediction. I think most people expect Pavs to take over the C this season. And if the Sharks’ new marketing efforts are any indication, they’re looking at Pavelski, Logan Couture, and Tomas Hertl to take over as their captain and two alternates. But if they don’t make Vlasic at least an alternate, that’s a huge mistake.

Prediction Number 2: The Sharks will continue to publicly alienate both Thornton and Marleau.
But privately, they’ll suck up as much as possible. Not because they respect them as players like all of us fans do, but because they want to find a way to move them. Still. I just don’t get it.

Prediction Number 3: Vancouver won’t suck nearly as much.
They’ll still finish no higher than 4th in the Pacific, but the Canucks will improve upon last season. The Sedins will play well. Ryan Miller will too. Nick Bonino will be alright, and they won’t even miss Ryan Kesler that much. The Sharks will still find a way to beat them every time, though.

Prediction Number 4: The Ducks will win the Pacific, Again.
I hate to say this, because of how much I hate the Ducks and all, but they are going to win the division again. They’ve added Ryan Kesler and Dany Heatley, both of whom I think will help them. However, because this is a Bruce Boudreau coached team, they’ll lose in Game 7 of the first round of the playoffs. Brucey likes doing that.

Prediction Number 5: The Sharks will finish 2nd in the Pacific.
Because they’re good like at in the regular season.

Prediction Number 6: The Avalanche will struggle this year.
The Avs will be the surprise disappointment this season, finishing 4th in the Central division.

Prediction Number 6: The Blackhawks will win the West.
I mean, it’s their turn after all. The Blackhawks will beat the Kings to get there.

Prediction Number 7: The Penguins will win the Cup.
I honestly don’t know why I’m saying this, but it has to happen again sometime, right? Maybe a new coach will get them over the hump.

Go Sharks!

Here’s my final predictions, by division:

Pacific

Ducks
Sharks
Kings
Canucks
Oilers
Coyotes
Flames

Central

Blackhawks
Stars
Avalanche
Wild
Predators
Blues
Jets

Metropolitan

Lightning
Bruins
Canadiens
Maple Leafs
Red Wings
Senators
Panthers
Sabres

Atlantic

Penguins
Rangers
Islanders
Capitals
Devils
Blue Jackets
Flyers
Hurricanes

Maybe We’re Not Screwed (The Case For the Sharks) – Offseason Recap #3

25 Aug sad shark is here to party

sad shark is here to party

As you all have noticed, it’s been somewhat of a strange offseason to say the least. The Sharks management has pissed off the entire fan base by signing John Scott, resigning Mike Brown, and adding Ice Girls this season. They’ve also confused everyone (including themselves) as to what the hell their plan is exactly. But worst of all, they’ve effectively alienated their best players, first by saying to the media that they wanted players who “wanted to play here, not just live here,” then by trying to trade said players even though they have contracts with no-trade clauses.

Then, as we’ve all heard this week, the Sharks stripped Jumbo of the captaincy, and once again, the Sharks have a team without a captain (and no As at the moment either).

But even with all that, I don’t think the Sharks are as screwed as everyone thinks they are. Here’s my case for the Sharks this season.

Continue reading

Great White and Teal is on Puck Daddy!

13 Aug

As part of Puck Daddy’s Summer of Disappointment series, I had the privilege (if you can call it that) of writing about the Sharks’ most disappointing moments, no easy task I assure you.

Go check it out, it’s pretty good if I do say so myself.

Read GWaT on Puck Daddy >>

Goons, Buffoons, and Ice Girls! Offseason Recap #2

3 Jul

There’s an old expression that goes like, “the best time to plant a tree is 20 years ago. The second best time is today.” That has nothing to do with the San Jose Sharks, because I don’t even think they know what a tree is at this point; they’re looking for a solid “stump” to help protect their leaves.

The Sharks have announced that they’re bringing back Mike Brown, signing him to a two-year deal worth $2.4 million dollars. For Mike Brown. The Mike Brown who had a whole five points last season. The same Mike Brown who is used sparingly on the fourth line, when he isn’t hanging out in the press box on yet another healthy scratch.

Yeah, this fucking guy is making $1.15 million next season.

But that’s not all, ladies and gentlemen, the Sharks are also bringing in John Scott for $700,000 this season, which is great for Mike Brown, because he is no longer the worst player on the San Jose Sharks. No that honor now belongs to this other fucking guy.

It’s all going to be ok though, Sharks fans, not to worry. The San Jose Sharks organization has also decided to bring on a team of ice girls to help soothe your troubles (or a “co-ed” “Ice Team” if you will). You know, the scantily-clad woman with shovels who smooth out the ice surface during game breaks and intermissions, and who lead between-period entertainment.

But wait. Maybe the Sharks are actually committed to icing a progressive, co-ed entertainment team. Let’s take a look at the proposed uniforms.

ice-team

Picture includes both men and women, that’s good. A full-body shot of women are dressed in tight-fighting yoga pants and jerseys with high midriffs, showing off thin, athletic bodies. The man is dressed in a full jacket, and shown only from the waist up.

Well they only say that a picture is worth a thousand words. What about the actual words?

what-to-expect

 

They do seem to be pretty detailed and prepared for the women to try out, not as much for the men. Guess we’ll have to check back, eh?

Let’s just say the feedback online hasn’t been so hot thus far.

madtweets

Full article (with more fun tweets) here:

http://storify.com/madebymiedema/san-jose-sharks-fans-have-plenty-to-say-about-ice/embed?border=false

In other quick hits, the Sharks actually did something cool by signing Tye McGinn, the younger brother of former-Shark, Jamie McGinn. However, they did get Tye from the Flyers, which means he’s probably either an insufferable douchebag or a dumb ass.

I don’t know what the rest of the offseason will bring, but I just hope it will end soon. I can’t take much more.

 

Sharks Offseason Recap #1

23 Jun

Holy shit, what in God’s name is happening to the Sharks?!?!?

sad shark is back

This is the new San Jose Sharks mascot.

That’s seems to be the sentiment of Sharks fans out there in the nether regions of the interwebz. The Sharks are imploding, they’re panicking, they’re driving away their best player and fan favorite, they’re moving to Seattle, they’re smoking crack with Rob Ford, they’re not watching the World Cup, I mean come on you guys, these are some serious accusations.

But let’s not forget that many of these things haven’t actually happened yet, and they’re all called rumors for a reason. Here’s what has been going on so far.

Dan Boyle and Martin Havlat are no longer on the team.

Martin Havlat never quite fit in with the Sharks. And now he’s gone, getting bought out of his stupid $5 million salary, which was really just a less stupid salary than the $7.5 million the Sharks were paying to Dany Heatley, and the Wild were stupid enough to take on. Win win, sort of.

Obviously Boyle is the bigger name on this one. He’s the Sharks’ most prolific scoring defenseman in history, he’s been the point man on the top power play unit (and done a bang up job at it, I must add), and some other third thing. But the problem with Boyle is the problem with many of the Sharks core: he’s old. Boyle’s game has been slowing down the past few seasons, but ever since getting knocked out by Maxim Lapierre (if you don’t know who he is, look up “hillbilly scum bag”) he never looked like the same player. I hate to see him go – he’s a great guy, a good veteran leader, and it leaves a giant-sized hole in our defense.

Which leads me to…

Brent Burns is moving back to defense.

Brent Burns image. He looks like a wolverine.

The ladies can’t get enough of Burns’ D.

I’m mixed on this one. It seemed like the Burns-Thornton-Hertl line was killing it, so this feels like a panic move. Plus in Burns’ short time spent on defense with the Sharks, he was mediocre at best. If he can be a bruising guy that plays with a lot of skill, a la Drew Doughty, that’d be cool. Much less, and I think it’s an overreaction, and a mistake that leads to more problems than solutions. The Sharks have enough young defensemen to form a solid group, and Burns is more needed up front.

The Sharks open the season in L.A.

And they get to watch the Kings raise their Stanley Cup Champions banner into the rafters of the Staples Center. Fuck me.

NHL Awards!

Brent Burns and Patrick Marleau are up for some awards or something.

Now, the rumors!

Joe Thornton and Patrick Marleau are leaving!

Joe Thornton and Patrick Marleau in the 1997 NHL Entry Draft.

Peace, bitches!

This is stupid. Or at least would be really stupid if it actually happened. Trading your two best forwards doesn’t make your team better. Let’s not forget Thornton had 61 assists last year, and if you think Pavelski ever tops 40 goals without Jumbo as his centerman, you must be crazier than Raffi Torres. Look, I love the young core (which somehow includes the soon-to-be 30 year-old Joe Pavelski), but this team needs Thornton and Marleau to push for the Cup, and probably needs them in order to make the playoffs.

The team is leaving!

It was reported that the Sharks made some bad TV deal and wanted more money. That somehow got transformed into “the Sharks are moving.” I highly doubt this happens, but I also never thought Dustin Hillbilly Brown would ever lift the Stanley Cup – let alone twice. God I hate that he’s won it twice. And now he’s making more money than our captain, with far less production and skill.

Anyway, I’m probably wrong about all of this and will have to eat my words in a few weeks (maybe in the form of pie? mmm…pie), but I hope not. The Sharks are a savvy organization and I think once the sting of defeat heals up, they’ll see the light and do what’s right to find their way out of this plight. Otherwise, it’s a long season and a tough fight.

Good night!

Sharks/Penguins: Is that national television I see?

6 Mar

The Sharks are actually on national television, not that it matters much to my cable-challenged self. But hey, any and all exposure to Sharks hockey is good.

The Sharks are taking on the Pittsburgh Penguins at home in the Tank, which is probably better for them, as they’ve struggled against sub-par teams on the road (Buffalo, Carolina anyone?). San Jose is 14-2-1-1 in their last 18 matchups against the Pens, and 9-0-1-0 at home. In fact, the Sharks haven’t lost to Pittsburgh on home ice since 1997, the same day the Marlins beat the Indians in the 7th game of the World Series.

Let’s just hope the trend continues. My ex-girlfriend was a huge Penguins fan, so I would love nothing more than to see the Sharks completely dominate tonight. If you think I’m a bad guy for saying that, keep in mind that she took my dog in the break up. Not cool. I mean, look at this face…

The cutest most awesome dog ever with his favorite toy

My dog, Chief with his favorite toy.

Getting back to hockey, the Sharks need a spark if they plan on catching the fucking Ducks in the division. They finally got Burnzie and Havlat going last game against Carolina, even though they lost. It’s important to get that secondary scoring going, as Pavelski can’t score every goal (although he’s sure trying to).

Speaking of scoring, I’ve been seeing a lot of chatter online about Joe Thornton’s prolific assist total, about how he’s the best set-up guy, about how he’s a true playmaker, etc. While I definitely don’t disagree, I will say the same thing everyone else has said at one point or another while watching the Sharks: Thornton needs to shoot the puck more.

NHL Top 30 Scorers

Currently, Jumbo is second in the league in assists with 51, but is 16th in total points. The reason? He only has 84 shots on the season. David Kreji of Boston has the next lowest total of all skaters in the top 30 for scoring with 132 shots. That’s 48 shots, or as I like to call it, a slow Tuesday. At Thornton’s current shooting percentage of 9.5%, that’s 4.56 more goals with just those additional shots, which would nearly double his goal total on the season.

Anyway, enough babbling. I’m just hoping for a solid win against a team that I really want to hate, but respect the hell out of.

Prediction: Sharks win 3-1, with Thornton getting 2 goals and an assist, just to make me look like an asshole.

Taking crappy to a whole new level

5 Mar

Crappy blogs are usually characterized by a lack of content for long stretches of time, and for unrealistic apology posts. And unfortunately, as owner of Great White and Teal, I have taken this little crummy blog and made it truly shitty one for me and for all 14 of you who read it. For that, I am truly sorry.

So as a token of good faith and restored motivation, it is my imperative to put together a little post explaining my intentions for this thing moving forward.

Great White and Teal has been as silent as the Sharks at the trade deadline. What’s the deal?

Like all crappy blogs, posts stop coming because the owner either (a) is lazy, (b) can’t decide what to do on a post, (c) lost motivation, (d) lost his job and in turn, Internet, or in my case (e) all of the above.

So what now? Are you going to do this or not?

Yes. I can’t guarantee how much time I will spend toward this, but I think it’s reasonable to promise at least one post a week – and yes, the twitter should be much more active. Finally, I’m sure you’re all thinking. What would the world do without amazingly spot-on insight like this?

What can I expect if I read this crummy thing?

Not much honestly. You’ll still get the self-depreciating, roller coaster voice of your average Sharks fan. You won’t get a daily blast or live in-game analysis. There are plenty of other blogs for that sort of thing. Hell, I don’t even watch every game. I’m a fan, just like you. So I’m just sharing what being a Sharks fan is like. There is no major insight or analysis. Mainly what you’ll get is the same you’d find at a Korean restaurant: a good helping of incoherent rambling with (hopefully) some really tasty bits here and there.

I’d love at some point to do a podcast or some other additional content in the future, but that is more of a pipe dream as of now. Essentially, I can’t promise much right now, but if you stick it out, I can promise that Great White and Teal will deliver some quality Sharks fan content to your life at some point.

Until then, go Sharks!

Your least favorite Sharks blog is back!

3 Oct

But hey, at least so is Sharks hockey.

Tonight marks opening night for the San Jose Sharks (the third night of NHL action), taking on the Vancouver Canucks at home in the Shark Tank.

The last time these two teams met? Well…

…that was awesome. That Marleau sure does suck in the playoffs, doesn’t he, JR?

Anyway, short post today. More to come as the season progresses. Go Sharks!

Prediction: Sharks win 5-1, because fuck the Canucks.

Why the Stanley Cup is the Greatest Trophy in Sports

10 Jun

Ok, so I’m biased. I’m a huge puckhead. I love hockey more than football, basketball and baseball. Especially baseball. I mean seriously, 162 games in a season? Of course I’m going to think the Stanley Cup is the greatest trophy in all of sports. Because it is.

I can’t help it, no matter what teams are in the Finals, I always get excited about seeing someone lift the cup (even if it does end up being Dustin Brown). It’s a really special moment for all hockey fans, and even with the Sharks out of the playoffs, I still cant wait. It’s the culmination of a season (or half season) of passionate fandom.

But in the interest of journalistic integrity (which is why you’re here after all), I will attempt to prove to the nay-sayers out there why Lord Stanley’s Chalice is truly the greatest trophy in all of sports, as objectively as I can.

It’s impossible to keep your entire roster healthy throughout the playoffs.

Hockey in general is a physically-demanding sport, but playoff hockey takes physical play to another level. It’s simply way more intense. Just look at some of the highlights from this year’s postseason alone.

And then there’s this one:

 

It wasn’t until after the game that you found out that he broke his leg on the play, and kept going.

If a team is able to finish the postseason with the same roster as it started the postseason with, it’s a pretty miraculous thing. This doesn’t even take into account the injuries players fight through in order to keep playing. You only really find out how healthy a team is once they’re eliminated. That’s when the truth about injuries start to leak to the general public.

The team favored to win the Cup rarely does.

The team winning the Presidents Trophy (given to the team with the best regular season record) has gone on to win the Stanley Cup just 39 times since the Cup was first awarded in 1893. That’s 39 times out of a 118, or just over 33 percent.

Well one out of three doesn’t sound that bad. In fact, it sounds like the top team wins the Cup pretty regularly. However, the first 21 times the Presidents Trophy winners went on to win the Cup happened only six teams in the league, the next four did it with only 12 teams, and the next nine with 18 teams in the league. Since the league began its modern era in 1992, only five Presidents Trophy-winning teams have lifted the Stanley Cup in the summer. If the Chicago Blackhawks beat the Boston Bruins, we’ll see it again – the first time since the Detroit Red Wings did it in 2008.

It’s one of the oldest trophies in all of sports.

The Stanley Cup was first awarded in 1892, the oldest of any major North American major sport. The only trophies older than the Stanley Cup are the Gentlemen’s Single Trophy, given to Wimbledon’s Men’s Single Champion (1887), the Claret Jug, given to the winner of the PGA’s British Open Tournament (1872), and America’s Cup, given to the champion of the yearly yachting competition (1848).

There is only one Stanley Cup.

One of the greatest things about the Stanley Cup is the fact that there is only one, which means that every player, coach and staff member that is a part of the winning team gets their name engraved onto the chalice. Kids who grow up idolizing their favorite hockey players can actually touch the same cup as their heroes, and have their names engraved alongside them. That is a pretty cool thing.

With only one Stanley Cup, it will forever remain elusive. Even after winning it, teams must return the Cup to the Hockey Hall of Fame after the summer. There’s no “motivation” you gain from seeing your Cup hanging out in your building. In fact, there is no “Your Cup,” just “The Cup.”

Also with only one Cup, it’s able to keep its integrity, steering clear of the potential for rampant commercialism. The Stanley Cup is not made by Tiffany’s, unlike the Lombardi Trophy (NFL), the World Series Trophy (MLB), the Larry O’Brien Trophy (NBA), the Wheeler-Schebeler Trophy (Indy 500), the Women’s National Basketball Association Championship Trophy (WNBA), the Samuel Rudin Trophy (New York Marathon), the Alan I. Rothenberg Championship Trophy (MLS), as well as a series of Super Bowl rings and Olympic medals.

If you win it, you get a spend a day with it – doing anything you want.

This is one of the coolest traditions in sports. Every person who wins the Stanley Cup gets to spend a day with it, doing with it as they please. And really, I mean you can do whatever you want with it.

Usually, players will take it to their hometown and share it with their friends, family and former coaches. It’s a pretty special moment to be able to share your accomplishments with those who helped make it happen.

And sometimes we get some really candid photos.

And my personal favorite…

There is actually someone employed to be the “keeper of the cup.”

That’s right. This guy, Philip Pritchard, has the job of keeping the Stanley Cup in tip top shape year-round. While it might seem like a simple job, it’s full-time. He is the curator of the Hockey Hall of Fame (which is where the Cup lives most of the year), he travels with the Cup as people get to spend their day with it, and he keeps it fresh, clean and shiny for presentation, which he also gets to be a part of.

Seriously, how do you land that gig?

In conclusion, hockey’s Stanley Cup is obviously the best trophy to win in all of sports. Why? It’s super fucking hard to win, you get your name forever engraved onto its ever-growing body, and you get to spend a day with it just like your heroes before you did. The Stanley Cup means more to hockey fans than the Olympic flame mean to the world. I’m serious, it’s just science.

Get excited, people. We’re going to see the Stanley Cup get awarded here soon, and no matter who you root for, it’s a really special and exciting time for the hockey world.

San Jose vs. Vancouver: Music Edition

7 May

Image of Don Cherry's Hockey Hits

So I didn’t think of the idea for this post until just now, and I wish I had thought of it before the series (curse you, full-time employment!). Basically, I thought it would be fun to compare two bands: one from San Jose and one from Vancouver to see which one is better.

And since we’ve seen who has the better hockey team through three games, maybe now actually is a better time to start the discussion.

San Jose: The Limousines

The Limousines are an “indietronica” band hailing from the South (and East) Bay, California. They formed in 2007 by sending each other samples and melodies through the Interwebz. Then they compiled said samples into actual tunes.

The Hits:

“Internet Killed the Video Star” – lame title, but catchy as hell.

 

“Very Busy People” – another catchy tune, but even better video.

 

Vancouver: Mother Mother

Mother Mother is an eccentric, five-piece indie/folk/rock band that features brother and sister, Ryan and Molly Guldemond. Their lyrics can leave you in a state of wonder one song, make you laugh the next, but always leave you wanting more. Basically, they’re awesome. Way more awesome than their hockey team.

The Hits:

“The Stand” – One of my favorite tunes of theirs, although the video is a bit dizzying.

 

“O My Heart” – I hadn’t actually watched the video until now, but it’s about what I would expect, in a good way. The song itself is awesome.

 

The Winner: Mother Mother

I like the Limousines (and have their album on vinyl), but Mother Mother is more musically talented and are better songwriters. The Limousines do have interesting music videos and did completely fund their new album (out in 2013!) on Kickstarter, but Mother Mother has been killing it for much longer. And let’s face it, this is my blog, I don’t need to prove myself to you guys.

What do you think: Mother Mother or The Limousines?

Oh and by the way, and I’m taking Vancouver sneak away with a victory, by whining and crying until the refs just let them win. Final: 2-1, with goals from the Sedins and Couture.

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